sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
