That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
