i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
