yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
