just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
