I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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