Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
