My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
