dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
