so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
