I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I FOUND THE LEGS
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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