Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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