Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You left your phone here
Wait...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
