"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
