I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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