Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
