He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
