Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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