didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ladies don't puke and tell
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
