Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't put those talents on a resume
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
