Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
