is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
