No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didn't notice because vodka
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
