sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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