I want you more than these girls want KFC
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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