If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
