my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I supernannyed him into submission
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
