**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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