The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
