Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
