I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
