Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
