I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my shit smells like andre
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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