Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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