hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
