Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
