Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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