# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
