OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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