and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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