Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
