so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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