I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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