Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
BRING THE BAGELS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
