I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
