Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
