She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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