She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
