Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
