he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
