it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
