also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
