Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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