I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
